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Top 11 New Year's Resolutions You Know you Won't Keep

11. I'll stop pretending I have to go to the bathroom to end a help session with a user who refuses to get a clue

10. I'll get all my Microsoft units patched, updated, secured and backed up at least once during the year

9. I'll hear the delivery date of a new system and not laugh

8. I'll stop using copy and paste on my reports

7. I'll stop investing in telecom

6. I'll stop responding to e-mail messages that say I've inherited $50 million from the prince of Zimbabwe

5. I'll read and understand everything in the End User Licensing Agreement before I click "I Accept"

4. I'll stop referring to users as "losers"

3. I'll refrain from talking like the Church Lady to the people I work with ("What made you type 'format c: /s', honey? Was it ... Satan?")

2. I'll stop backing up my 80-GB hard drive onto floppies

1. I'll resist the urge to say "Move!" when assisting users

Thanks to Herve Bouchard, Steven Bruhn, Ron Bunal, Israel Lupez de Victoria Cortes, Paul D'Anna, Carol Hammond, Gregg Nicholas, Doug Olson and Glen Ward for their submissions.